Date Code 446:11.4 - Earth year 2511 *They told me they were coming. They told me to wait.* I stare up, I think, at least from my point of reference. Up into the blackness of deep space. Unfamiliar stars swim in and out of focus through the thawing ice on the inside of my cryo-tank. I lie here, naked, alone. Thawing. It hurts. The process feels like hot needles jabbing into flesh, incessantly, all across my body. A searing, clawing, nagging pain that keeps building and building, but never reaches a climax, never subsides, never relents. I want to cry, but my tear ducts are still clogged with ice. I want to scream, but my lungs are still frozen, unable to suck in air. Cryo-sleep is harsh. It's not sleep at all, just your metabolism slowed down until you fade into a dreamless trance. Or so they said. I counted the years. Were it years? Ages. I *remember*. Now, somehow, I thaw. Is this a systems malfunction? Or is help nearby? Whichever it is, I just want to die. I want to forget. No one should be forced to see what I have seen. *It's been three days and I have not slept, not for one minute.* Tears flow freely, when the burning subsides enough to focus on being human. With that focus comes the other pain - the reality of my existence alone in the depths of space - at least as painful and the cause of my tears. My left hand finally moves, but I can't stop the shivering. Breathing comes easier now that my lungs have adjusted to continuous movement. Soon now, I will be fully thawed and I can reach into the sweet release of death and end the pain. *A screen started blinking a while ago.* I am finally able to sit. The cryo-tank's lid opened and I have a clear view of the shuttle's control panels now. They should be locked in sleeping mode, but one screen displays a green dot, blinking and moving. It seems then that the thawing was triggered remotely. They do not know of my pain. They do not know of the things I have seen. All of it my own doing, my own fault. I weep and think of what led me to be here. Date Code 438:41.3 - Earth year 2496 "Asteroids. That's the excuse for cancelling all shuttle flights?! What about my research?" "I'm sorry mister Finch, it's Lieutenant Commander Marsz's orders. It's not safe out there today." Joél huffed and rolled his eyes. "This is bullshit. Let me speak to the person who has some actual say here. I have a thesis to finish and I booked this shuttle well in advance." "Again, these are direct orders, sir." "Fine, I'll take my complaint to Marsz herself. I don't care about having to dodge some space rocks." Joél shot the cadet one last furious look and walked away from the counter. I am not going to miss this opportunity, the next black hole is still months away, he thought. He knew Lieutenant Commander Marsz's reputation though and deemed the chance he would be able to convince her to make an exception for him non-existent. Fuck. Stuck on this ship for a year already, surrounded by incompetents, and no way to carry out measurements at the first black hole the ship orbited around. The Salvation was on a round-trip mission to Wolf 1061, making stops for scientific research and exploration along the way. Joél Finch had managed to secure a place as a science assistant to research improved measurement methods for Hawking radiation from rotating black holes that would potentially help solve the trans-Planckian problem. Up until today, he had spent most of his time in one of the physics laboratories assisting other scientists with their experiments and measurements, which Joél found both boring and a waste of his talents. After walking around the Salvation aimlessly for a while, Joél found himself near the shuttle docks. No flights today meant minimal staff - most of the crew probably doing maintenance elsewhere - and the docks were almost deserted. Joél waited around for a bit to see if anyone was paying attention, then scurried over to one of the nearest shuttles. If no one was going to help him, he'd better help himself, he figured. Joél slid open the door at the shuttle's side and pushed in quickly, bumping his knee as he closed the door behind himself. He sat down on the floor, the interior illuminated only by the little light falling in from the docks through the main viewport. Joél breathed, ten seconds, twenty seconds, thirty seconds. No shouting. No blaring alarm. I might just pull this off, he thought, better to apologise later than to ask permission first. It did not take long to activate the shuttle controls - everyone on board of the Salvation needed to go through basic flight training before they were allowed to join the crew. Joél entered a shortest-path course through the shuttle docks before activating the engines, no use getting discovered before he had a chance fly. He swallowed, hesitating for a moment, then pushed down the engine controls. With a roar, the shuttle shot forward, then left, barely missing a stack of crates, and accelerated towards the shuttle dock's exit. Two guards watched, waving and screaming, as Joél blasted out into space. Moments later, a transmission came in. "Shuttle 423, state your course. No flying is permitted for the coming twelve hours." Joél grinned and refrained from answering just yet. Let them wonder for a while. He'd come up with a good story after he'd done his measurements. For the moment he focused on the job at hand and entered a series of coordinates that would bring him in close orbit around the black hole. It's so empty out here, Joél thought, not understanding what the fuss of the no-flight order was about, even the entry-level shuttle training sims were more exciting. A pulsating green dot appeared on a screen in the lower-left corner of the control panel. "Shuttle 423, state your course. There's a big set incoming, please return to the Salvation as soon as possible." Another pulsating green dot appeared. And another. The hairs on Joél's arms rose as at least another fifty appeared on the screen, half of them blinking red. Sweat breaking out on his brow, he started entering a new set of coordinates to make it back into the Salvation's hull once more - the Salvation, that was built to endure these kinds of rough conditions. The Salvation, where able people made decisions to keep others safe. Joél was pressed into his seat when the shuttle accelerated to swing around and change course. "Salvation, this is Joél Finch, I am returning to ba..." Starlight drew circles when a loud bang jostled the shuttle. Joél flew from his chair and all around him alarms sounded while the shuttle spun out of control. "Shuttle 423, report." Joél hung on to the control panel with all his strength, waiting for the shuttle's flight-assist algorithms to counter the spinning. "Shuttle 423? Mister Finch? Can you hear us?" Finally, the spinning slowed and Joél, stomach churning, clambered onto the pilot's seat. "This is Joél Finch... what happened there?" "Mister Finch, your shuttle was graze by an asteroid. You're lucky that it wasn't a direct hit. Report damage please." Joél studied the control panel. One engine down, the other one running on half power. Oxygen levels normal, radio apparently undamaged. "Flying at quarter power with one engine fully down, Salvation. Oxygen sufficient. Am I still in the asteroid field's path?" It took a few long seconds before there was an answer. "Mister Finch...", a woman - Lieutenant Commander Marsz? - said, "your shuttle has been knocked out of immediate danger's way..." Good, Joél thought, a tentative smile on his lips that did not quite reach his eyes. Marsz was not done speaking yet. "However you are well within the gravitational pull of the black hole. With your shuttle's engines mostly down, we're not sure you can reach escape velocity." "What... do you mean?" Joél whimpered, dreading the answer he knew would follow. "It means that you need to follow my instructions to the word," Marsz said, "If you don't, your chances of survival are none. Can you do that, Joél?" "I... yes. Yes, I can." "You will need to reverse the shuttle and start an intermittent burning cycle at 30/70 duty cycle to slow your fall. Do this until you reach the coordinates I sent you a few seconds ago." Joél saw another screen light up. "When you reach those coordinates, you will be in the path of an asteroid also falling towards the black hole. When I say you can - and not a second before that - you eject and detonate the faulty engine's core against the asteroid. The blast should push you away from the black hole and you will burn the engine that's left at full power. Understood?" "Yes." Joél's head was spinning, this was nothing like the shuttle training sims. He mopped his forehead and started the procedure described by Lieutenant Commander Marsz. "Jo...él... as...d... in...com... there are... thir... second... until eje... copy?" Communication was starting to fail, since the shuttle closer to the black hole's event horizon. Not for the first time, Joél wondered if this was the end. No use giving up now. "Thr... twooo... on... ...OW Joé..." Joél ejected the core, set to detonate in ten seconds, and braced himself for the shock wave that would carry him back towards the Salvation's traction range. And back to safety. 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Nothing. No blast. No shockwave. No impact. "Joél? Wha... happ..." "It did not detonate!" Joél cried. Then he felt his stomach expand, then contract. A low-frequency sigh that rattled his skull. It was as if the universe begun anew, the mother of all bangs turning him inside out in slow-motion. Too late, Joél thought. It detonated too late, I did not take into account relativistic time. "Joél? Joél... black ho... is Einstein-Rosen Bridge...activa... cryotan... we are... coming... wait..." Joél shook himself. An Einstein-Rosen Bridge?! This black hole was part of a wormhole? If only it stays stable long enough for me to pass through, he thought. Joél got up, and ran to the shuttle's cryo-tank survival pod. He jumped in and closed the lid, automatically activating the emergency freezing. Just my metabolism slowing down until I fade into a dreamless trance, Joél thought as his body was blasted by liquid nitrogen and the shuttle was dragged past the black hole's event horizon.